I am 27. White. A Female. And a former Peace Corps Volunteer. I am HIV Positive. This is my story of how a few months, a few people, and a few events in Zambia changed me and my life forever. This is the story of how I contracted HIV and brought my Peace Corps Journey to a crashing halt... and how I am working now to pick up and put back together the pieces of my life as a newly diagnosed person living with HIV. This was not the journey I had originally planned... my path has traumatically and dramatically changed... but it is the one I am on now. There is no going back. There is only forward. I welcome you to follow along with me as I attempt to explore this new life ahead of me, whether you are someone from the Peace Corps community, or someone living with HIV. I welcome your comments, questions, suggestions, and opinions. Let us go forward together. To start from the beginning, click here He Gave Me More Than A Bracelet.

Sunday, July 21, 2013

More on Dating with HIV

Time has been flying by lately. I guess that is why people say "time flies when you're having fun". My life has been very busy and very happy this past month.

I am still dating my guy. It has been more than a month since I disclosed "my secret" to him, and he  still has not run away. He continues to amaze me with his acceptance and patience. It has not been easy. It is not something that we can talk about once and then forget about. It is an ongoing conversation that comes up daily. New questions come up. New feelings come up. New situations come up that we hadn't thought about before. It is all new... for both of us. We continue to research and talk and learn together. There is no guidebook. There are not always clear cut answers to our questions. The numbers and risks are not always specific enough.

Sometimes it is scary. I am scared for me. And I am scared for him. I am scared that we will mess up and take a risk or make a mistake that could put him in harm's way. I am scared that he will decide it is just too complicated and not worth it. I am scared that others will influence his feelings about it.

I thought disclosing would be the hardest part. Now, I'm not totally sure. There is so much more that needs to be addressed and figured out now. I wonder if it will always be like this? Or if, after we get everything figured out initially, we will get more used to it and comfortable with the way things are? Not that we are doing a bad job now... we are actually doing quite a good job I think... but like I said, it is not easy.

I plan on doing a series of posts on various topics specifically relating to serodiscordant (+/-) relationships, so that I can share more with you about some of the challenging situations that may come up. I am already doing research on this stuff, so why not share what I've found with you? I would also like to share how each topic relates specifically to me and my relationship, but will be careful (for his sake) about the personal information I share.

3 comments:

  1. Yay! I was looking to another post!
    Glad to hear that you're doing well and happy and that your guy is being so nice with you.

    At some point you mentioned that your body didn't feel the same, is it still the case?

    Thanks for sharing your life with us.
    Kisses!

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  2. Jessica, thanks for keeping us updated. I've kept up with your blog almost from the beginning. You are doing a good job. I support you and encourage you.

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  3. Thank you for the update, I know that your blog is a life line for a lot of people.

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