I am 27. White. A Female. And a former Peace Corps Volunteer. I am HIV Positive. This is my story of how a few months, a few people, and a few events in Zambia changed me and my life forever. This is the story of how I contracted HIV and brought my Peace Corps Journey to a crashing halt... and how I am working now to pick up and put back together the pieces of my life as a newly diagnosed person living with HIV. This was not the journey I had originally planned... my path has traumatically and dramatically changed... but it is the one I am on now. There is no going back. There is only forward. I welcome you to follow along with me as I attempt to explore this new life ahead of me, whether you are someone from the Peace Corps community, or someone living with HIV. I welcome your comments, questions, suggestions, and opinions. Let us go forward together. To start from the beginning, click here He Gave Me More Than A Bracelet.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Dating Update 2

More dates with the negative guy from Kickball... including more dinners out and in, watching the basketball games, hanging out at the pool, breakfast, and doing an oil painting together (yes seriously).

I'm not sure what else to say. Things are going good. We get along well. Too well. To the point that after an entire day together having breakfast and then hanging out at the pool, I walked into my house and cried. I cried because I'm having such a good time, and because I have absolutely no faith that it is going to last or lead to anything. I cried because I feel like I'm having panic/anxiety attacks the past few days just thinking about telling him. I cried because I'm scared and I don't want to have to deal with this...

P.S. It is my Birthday today. I am 27.

                        (We celebrated my B-Day on Saturday night by going out dancing!)

8 comments:

  1. Happy birthday baby girl! keep that flame burning hot! i always come and come back again to your site, i dont know why. I have also thought of emailing you `privately`but i guess i donot have enought courage,, but you are a sweet person..
    with love fron swwden

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  2. Happy birthday!!!
    It's so good to see how another young person is dealing with this.

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  3. I am married to an HIV positive man. I am negative. His disease is suppressed to undetectable levels with antiviral meds. We met online and been together for almost 5 years and have 2 children together, who are beautiful and thank goodness also negative. I get tested every 6 months and I have remained negative myself. We are Christians and rely on our faith to see us through this life and any hard times. We're also ridiculously happy. I enjoy reading your blog and pray for you. If you'd like to chat more, you can reply to this post and I will PM you :)

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    1. Thank you for your comment and sharing a bit of your story/situation with me. I would love to know more about how and when your husband initially disclosed his status to you? What did he say? What did he do? And what were some of your immediate thoughts/responses/reactions?

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    2. Am anonymous #1,
      I think its very important for you to know well and trust the person/s you are involved with before you disclose anything,, i know love is a diifuclt and complex feeling

      There is nothing more attractive than a combination of beauty and honest.. no one man would hunt a beauful and honest open book ,, dont doubt yourself the biggest challange is behind you!!!

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  4. Good to see you smiling. Happy Birthday ! I had an exposure some more than 2 months back. I am going through what is possibly ARS and now it's showing all kind of symptoms like fatigue, muscle pain, bone pain, stomach pain with mild diarrhea , mild rash, night sweats , nasal congestion and weight loss. And the most difficult part is I met a girl recently who is HIV negative and I am not able to disclose what is happening with me to her. And she is so happy being with me. I am also very happy being with her but the very thought of breaking up scares me. And I am also feeling sick with no appetite at all. How is your health doing ? You seem to be very healthy. Does not it affect your work ? How often do you take rest ? Please keep in touch.

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    1. First, I just want to tell you- Go get tested! It does no good to sit around wondering if your symptoms may be ARS- who knows, it could be or it could be something completely different! There is no way of knowing until you just go get tested. And also, if you really do like this girl, then you owe it to her to go get tested and know for sure. Now, as far as my health, yes, I am very healthy. I feel normal. I don't get sick any more or less than any other normal person. I don't need extra rest or anything. I would say the only noticeable difference is that I can no longer drink as much alcohol- after 2-3 drinks I get sick. I think it is either the interaction with the meds or just that my liver is already working hard enough to process the meds.

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    2. Thanks. And nice to know that you are healthy and you don't have any health complaints. Are you still doing some sort of traveling. I love traveling I am also worried at times whether I can travel once I found out I am infected. Worried about my endless trips to doctor. And I don't want to disclose my status to anybody for that matter. Now also I am awake in the middle of the night because of nightsweats. I am worried I will be handicapped of everything. And why are you taking meds so early to your infection.

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